Avoiding feelings and picking up your phone: the hottest trend of 2015

A survey of 15,000 modern day daters, ages 21 to 50, published in USA Today came up with these stats:

•Approximately 31% of men and 33% of women claim it's less intimidating to ask for a date via text vs. a phone call

•One in four say an hour is the longest acceptable response time to text someone you are dating or interested in dating back; one in 10 expect a response instantly or within a few minutes. •44% of men and 37% of women say mobile devices make it easier to flirt and get acquainted.

These findings are seriously unfortunate...

Why is it so hard for this generation to communicate without the assistance of technology?

We have so many ways to do it: texting, calling, facetiming, snapchatting, instagramming, twitter messaging, facebooking, and god forbid REAL face to face talking. It is like all of these social outlets have somehow made us less social.

But guess what: life is still happening and real feelings are still being felt. Not superficial, filtered out, RM Drake quote feelings, but real, raw emotions that can’t be dealt with via social media.

It is so hard to know how another person is really feeling because they control how they are perceived on that little device called a smart phone. Commitment isn’t real unless it is documented on Facebook. A couple isn’t together unless they post “man crush Mondays” and “woman crush Wednesdays” on instagram. If one of the parties tweets something sad or depressing, you know they are fighting. If a couple doesn’t post anything on social media, are they even a couple?

Everything about relationships nowadays is public yet the actual human beings in the relationship can’t communicate with each other—instead they just communicate with everyone else around them. It is sad to think that this is what dating has become. It is like one big competition to get the most likes and envious comments. If your boyfriend does something romantic, you spend more time taking a photo and documenting it online for everyone to see rather than actually enjoying the moment.

Dating is so much harder now that all of this technology exists. If you and a guy are texting everyday, hanging out with each other, and hooking up, you’re dating right? Wrong. In this day and age, you aren’t together unless you specifically say it, even if you are doing everything a couple does. Yet, determining the relationship seems like such a hard thing to do.

Why you ask? Because with all of the resources available nowadays, it is possible for a person to live a double, triple, even quadruple life… Sure, he’s snapchatting you but he is also sending the same thing to three other unaware girls. She can say she wants you but she can text another guy while she is right next to you. He can like your instagram picture and make you feel special but he can like the next hot girl’s selfie he sees in his feed.

Why is it so hard to talk to a person you really like and know that they really like you? Because that’s how the world works—he doesn’t like you unless he posts you on instagram or she isn’t into you unless you are her number one on snapchat. It is just all about assumptions and there are so many things that our generation is okay with accepting as affection. Two people can see a “sign” and assume something totally opposite.

Communication seems like it should be so simple, yet nowadays, it seems like the hardest thing to achieve.

I envy people who got to experience dating without also having to date their significant other’s iPhone. Everything was probably so simple. All of these outlets have the power to make a person crazy.

Everyone knows everything they do can be seen and is public yet everyone refuses to believe the fact that people actually look. God forbid you ask a guy why he has two other girls in his top snap friends without being labeled a psycho. And don’t even get me started on the boundaries that must be set while you’re in an actual relationship, but good luck ever reaching that stage.

What happened to the real romantic stuff? I don’t know about you but I have a problem with accepting that the cutest thing a guy can do for you is broadcast to the world that he likes you. What about saying it to your face? I think that is a little bit more rewarding.

The whole point of this post/rant is that our generation has gotten incredibly lazy when it comes to communication and relationships.

A “like” shouldn’t determine if you are liked. A conversation should. An Instagram post shouldn’t show you’re happy together. Body language when you’re not in the public eye should. You shouldn’t be okay with receiving a “goodnight” text once a week. You should want to actually be tucked in.

It is like all physicality has been taken over by computers and we are okay with it. The smart phones that are constantly attached to our bodies have blocked all communication. An awkward moment doesn’t even exist now because it can be filled with a glowing screen in front of our faces. Eye contact feels wrong and human contact feels foreign.

It is hard to think of a solution for this problem because it has become our world. The choice to leave our relationships off social media is in the hands of the couples holding the phones.

Here’s a closing thought for those men and women who responded to that survey: if you think you are dating someone because of any of the things that were just listed, I would make sure you get that person to say so to your face without technology, because chances are, you might be just another right swipe on their tinder profile.